Now that the Washington Post has finally revealed what we have known all along - that the Washington D.C. Police are a bunch of gun happy cowboys - maybe the incoming city administration and new Police Chief  will get around to doing something about it.  In the meantime, while we wait for much needed changes, it is probably still best for people to avoid contact with the police especially where cars and traffic stops are concerned.

Here are 14 proven tips that greatly reduce your chances of getting pulled over.  They have been used by a nameless individual - myself - for over a year.  During that time I have been driving with dead tags, a suspended license (for not paying a ticket), no registration, and windshield wipers that don’t work.  From New York to North Carolina I have accumulated over 50,000 miles in my car without so much as a random stop.  Now, I don’t recommend that others defy the law as I have done, and only bring it up to underscore the point that these simple tips work.

1) NEVER SPEED
How hard is that?  Very, for most guys.  We’re always trying to prove our manhood by driving fast and aggressively.  So what if people joke that you drive like an old lady.

2) ALWAYS DRIVE ALONE
A carload of young bamas, whether they’re black or white, always makes police curious.

3) ON EXPRESSWAYS AND INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS ALWAYS DRIVE IN THE SLOW LANE.
Most speed traps are designed to catch people driving in the fast lane.  Also most police drive in the fast lane, so it’s highly unlikely that in the slow lane they will even get behind you.

4) REMOVE ALL OBNOXIOUS AND OFFENSIVE BUMPER STICKERS AND WINDOW DECALS
A sticker that says legalize marijuana or F-ck the police, is not a good idea.

5) ATTACH DECALS AND BUMPER STICKERS THAT SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR THE POLICE
A very small donation to the local F.O.P. (Fraternal Order of Police) gets you a nice window decal that cops recognize. It basically says that you’re an F.O.P. contributor. It’s makes cops think that you support them.  So what if your homies think you’re a punk.  They’re not going to bail you out or visit you anyway.

6) DO NOT DRIVE DOWN ANY HOT STREETS AT NIGHT
Hot is any street where police are known to make random stops for any reason - mostly well known drug areas.

7) MAINTAIN A LOW PROFILE CAR
Fancy rims, loud booming stereos, flashy lights, and too bright a shine only draw attention to you. Keep in mind, your average cop earns under $25,000 a year.  They get jealous too, and are out to prove that all young brothas driving nice cars are drug dealers.8) ALWAYS KEEP ONE EYE ON YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR
I am always surprised at how many drivers are not aware of who is behind them.  This is why many cops are able to sneak up on you, especially on the highway.  Even unmarked cars are easy to notice.  Who else drives a Ford Crown Victoria or Chevy Caprice with a big CB antenna on the trunk, and spotlights on the door?  If it’s not a taxi, then it’s definitely a cop.

9) WHEN A COP DOES GET BEHIND YOU, DON’T PANIC
They look for signs of panic, even when you’re not doing anything wrong.  Drive normally, and don’t go out of your way to get away from them.

10) DON’T DRIVE WITH AN OPEN CAN OR BOTTLE OF CHEAP MALT LIQUOR
Drinking and driving is never a good idea, but if you’re one of the hard heads who just has to have a little beer while driving, I recommend Mickey’s Big Mouth, because it has the screw on cap.  You can always shove it under the seat in the event of an emergency.

11) ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT ALL OF YOUR LIGHTS AND TURN SIGNALS WORK
Fix-it tickets are good reasons for cops to pull you over.

12) IF YOU’RE A FOREIGNER DO NOT HANG SMALL FLAGS OR STICKERS THAT REVEAL YOUR NATIONALITY.
Cops can be prejudice too. Wha’ju’do’no??? Especially against African, West Indian, and Latin American motorists.

 13) IF YOU GET PULLED OVER TURN ON THE INTERIOR LIGHT AND PUT BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL.
I have actually been in a car with a friend who almost got us both shot because he started searching his glove compartment for his registration as soon as he pulled over. Wait for the officer to approach the car and ask his permission to do this.  Don’t be another dead statistic at the hands of the police.  They’ll only find a way to justify it.

14a) for the guys  IF IT’S A FEMALE COP, A LITTLE CHARM CAN GO A LONG WAY
This does not mean that you should start acting like Jerome from the Martin Lawrence Show.  Be pleasant.  Flirt with her just a bit.  Maybe she’ll cut you a break. Maybe she’s a stone cold freak in need of some manly comfort.  Police women need love too.

14b) for the ladies - IF IT’S A MALE COP, A LITTLE CLEAVAGE CAN GO A LONG WAY
Ladies, you know that a brothas brain is really below his waist.  So communicate with it.