If I could go back in time, one thing I would like to do is smack the poet John Lyly in the back of the head for writing, “The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.” That line, which was familiarized into, “all is fair in love and war” validates the frame of mind some people have that instead should be seen as twisted and perverse.
In matters of love, all is not fair. Anything does not go. Sorry Mary J., but love does have a limit.
When a relationship ends, it’s a painful thing for both people involved. Resorting to harassment, stalking, or even worse… violence is never a way to win someone back after they decided they wanted to break ties.
Things happen in life. Jobs end. Relationships fail. But never should it be acceptable for someone to make their new goal in life to make their ex miserable. There is nothing less attractive in the world than a pitiful man that cannot accept responsibility for his own actions. Effing up a relationship by being a controlling jerk can never be fixed by being an even bigger controlling jerk after the fact. Accusing her of cheating with every man on the block doesn’t help anything but maybe a bruised ego; maybe she’s not seeing anyone else… maybe she’s just not into you?
Regardless of why the relationship ended, I have to wonder why some men feel entitled to “have” their former girlfriend or wife. While we may wonder who would want someone who doesn’t want them, it’s more common than you may realize.
One in six women have reported being stalked in their lifetime. 76% of these women were stalked by a former intimate partner, 79% were abused during the same time that they were being stalked and sadly, 54% of these women reported the stalking to the police before they ended up being killed by their stalkers/former partners.
I have a friend that is currently being harassed by an ex boyfriend. He has shown up at her job, has made threats to her life and whenever she contacts the police, she is told that she needs proof. What do they expect her to do, ask him the next time he threatens her to repeat it into her camera phone? Or would they prefer to prosecute him for her murder instead once they have her dead body as evidence like these women?
Crystal Hamilton of Woodbridge, Va… killed by her husband on February 26, It was published after her death that he abused her for years.
Naomi Howell of Leesburg, Va… killed by her husband before he killed himself in January, 2016; they were going through “counseling” at the time.
Sadly, the list could go on and on. But what I would rather draw attention to is what can we do to make a change? If the police won’t help these women, what can we as a community do? Do we start with self defense classes for women, mentoring for young men, or should we reestablish the old fashioned neighborhood watch, where whoever acts up gets a beat down?